Thoughts on Bonding

Okay, this is a long time coming (sorry, Theresa). As I look back on our initial bonding experience with OE, here are my thoughts on what helped us the most.

Be purposeful! Look for ways to bond in everyday activities. Keys to bonding are laughter, fun, silliness, touch, & movement. Routine is also very important. When the child knows what to expect from each part of the day, they are free to learn, grow, & heal! let the child go at their pace, if they're not ready for something new, they're not ready.-sweets, a few sweets while having quiet cuddles. Said to mimic sweet breastmilk with closeness.-give yourself a break, nothing in this world is perfect, hence God's grace.-set up boundaries with friends and family BEFORE the child comes home. And they don't have to like it, but this is your child. Family will deal better if they understand why the rules are in place ahead of time.

~Massages (let the child put lotion on you too--stress relief for you & encourages more touch)
~Feed the child & have the child feed you finger foods
~Brushing hair, make-up (or face paint for boys)
~Playing with sand & playdoh
~Playgrounds--swinging
~Baby burrito--We have done this with all of our kids. After bathtime, wrap them up in a towel like a baby. We call it "Baby Burrito". Then just be silly & rock & carry around. OE wasn't a big fan of being rocked & this was a great opportunity to use a rocking motion in a way that she enjoyed.
~Mirrors--use to play peek a boo & make silly faces
~Pictures of OE around the house--When OE came home, she was very quick to pick up on the fact the her picture had already been mixed in with our pictures in photo arrangements. It was a visual reminder from the moment that she walked in our home, that she was part of our family.
~Dancing while holding the child in your arms (very synchronizing)
~Crawling around & chasing each other
~Playing ball
~Jumping on the bed
~Bouncing & rocking when carrying
~Pushing or carrying objects (laundry basket, etc.)
~Soothing, higher pitched talking (You know how people always talk to babies...use that same level of talking with your child. We made a concerted effort from the moment we met her & for the first weeks together to only use positive sounded talking & to use baby pitched talking a lot.)
~Bootle feeding or sippy cups used like a bottle is used with a baby (cradle, eye contact, soothing voice)
~Playing peek a boo with M&M's
~Stickers on noses (When she was resistent to eye contact with N, first we started with getting her to put stickers on his hands, arms, etc. Then as she felt comfortable we encouraged her to put them on his nose & it moved her in a non-threatening way towards making eye contact with him.)

Please, please do not take this as me thinking we've done everything right! There were plenty of moments that I lost my patience & probably caused us to take 3 steps back in our bonding process. Also, we have a long ways to go. We've made it this far, but the work is not over & it will definately be a life-long process of helping OE deal with her loss. Angela, no, no, no! :-)I'm not the best mom in the world! I truly believe that God has been the biggest reason for our success up to this point. He gave OE the most wonderful, resilient personality that has been her greatest asset! I do also credit Hannah's Hope for their amazing care. However, I know of other families whose children came from other transitional care centers & have done amazing, as well. That being said, I believe that the love Ethiopia has for it's children is where credit is due. OE was truly loved & cared for by her birthfamily & then by the folks at HH. This has been a huge advantage. Yes, we have loss to help her overcome, but we do not have many of the other challenges to deal with that come with children from countries where they were not cared for appropriately. Ethiopia is an amazing country that loves it's children very well & for this we are so thankful!

**Additional thoughts that Cynthia reminded me of which were very important in our bonding process, as well. (Thanks, girl!)

~Let the child go at their pace, if they're not ready for something new, they're not ready.-~Sweets, a few sweets while having quiet cuddles. Said to mimic sweet breastmilk with closeness.-
~Give yourself a break, nothing in this world is perfect, hence God's grace.
~Set up boundaries with friends and family BEFORE the child comes home. And they don't have to like it, but this is your child. Family will deal better if they understand why the rules are in place ahead of time.