Today has been a challenging day at our house. All the kids were exhausted b/c of a late football scrimmage, so you know how those days go. While L was at school I tried to get C, R, & OE to take a nap. OE was not having anything of it. She wanted to be playing ball & not resting! I held her & she pinched me, spit at me, & tried to bite me. She was not a happy girl. I didn't know whether to give in & let her get up & play or just hold her. I decided not to give in & I held her for about 30-45 minutes. It was not fun! She was tired but there was no giving in (I have 2 other sleep-fighters, so I know how they work...he, he, he). Hmmm...I felt so defeated during that time & unsure of myself. Afterwards we played & ate lunch & I reviewed my notes on bonding & attachment. We feel like we are constantly analyzing behaviors & trying to figure out what's really going on in her little mind. As for the boys, they are struggling with understanding that she doesn't understand all the rules yet & that we have to baby her a little bit. There is definately some jealousy going on but still not as bad as we expected. C is very good at keeping track of how many more glasses of juice OE gets than everyone else, how many more new toys & clothes she's gotten, etc., etc. I have always been one to keep things very equal (almost to the extreme) but this is kind of a challenge. I know they are realizing that she is here to stay & are not sure how they feel about it. You know, she is fun to play with but to have around all the time...not so sure about that! I'm even missing my time with just the boys...it's hard to adjust to the new dynamics, but I love all my kiddos so much & I know that very soon it we will all feel like life has normalized! I remember having these feelings when the twins were born & seeing the same behaviors in L early on, so that helps me to know that things will settle down. On a more positive note, after our morning meltdown, I began to think that maybe OE is missing Ethiopia. I brought out some of our Ethiopian CDs & they were a hit. It really seemed to relax her & make her feel at home. We have "African Lullaby", "African Playground", "African Dreamland", "Sorene: Children's Songs from Ethiopia", plus one traditional Ethiopian music CD & one contemporary Ethiopian dance music CD we bought in Ethiopia (our family loves singing & dancing together, so we knew we needed plenty of music from our daughter's birthcountry). I love them all, but I have to say that the "Sorene" one is my favorite. I turned it on as I fixed lunch & she started singing almost immediately. I knew she loved to sing b/c she has sang to herself a couple of times in the car when it was just the two of us & quiet, but it was so neat to hear her singing these songs. If you are adopting an older child, especially, this is a must have. I even recognized one or two of the songs as ones the children sang to us at Hannah's Hope. Someone recommended it on the listserv, but I can't remember who...if you are out there..."Thank you!". Kind of random, but I had to share these pictures of our little Vols!
Aren't they adorable! Go Vols!
10 comments:
Go Karey! You are such a good momma. And I am going to write down the names of those cd's in my ET "to do" book. We are also a music loving family.
Those hard days are....HARD! I am sorry. It seems like you handeled it just beautifully:) Your children are all so stinking cute! I love the vols picture.
One more month of closure...yeah!
Michelle
Yes, you're doing a great job. Yes, OE is adjusting. Yes, it's hard for little boys to understand the need to "baby" a new sister.
I'm glad the day got better! Great intuition you've got there Mama, you knew what would work!
I know how hard it is adding another child to the mix! mason gets jealous cuz amara gets to stay up later than him! and i have to remind him that she does not go to school yet and she is not big like he is and i cannot just tell her to go to bed! you are just working out all the kinks! hang in there!!
You are a thoughtful mom who is obvously trying your best and doing a wonderful job at it.
Just a thought, but I was reading something the other day about how we are doing a disservice to our children if we try and keep everything "fair," because that is not the way God made the world. We should never get to the point where we feel entitled to something, becasue it is only "fair."
Now I certainly wouldn't advocate favoritism, and you don't do that, but let yourself off the hook if everything isn't always fair. The boys will learn that the "fairness" is based on the needs of each of the children. When they need something extra, whther it be a cuddle or a cup of juice, you will come through.
This is timely for me as we are potty training my son. He gets mini m&ms as incentive (he is a chocoholic.) We had to have a long talk with his sister about why she wouldn't be getting m's or race cars (another incentive) because she was already potty trained.
Anyway just a thought and stay encouraged. You are doing a great job and God has provided you with what you need to get through this transistion.
Amy
I remember those days of having to hold Abraham too and he would scream at the top of his lungs. It was constant analyzing!! You are doing a WONDERFUL job and all of your children are so blessed to have you for their mom. Keep doing what you're doing and it will begin to normalize :)!! Praying for this transition time for you!
Kristin
PS I had ALL of the same feelings you are having - it's totally normal (well in my book anyway :) )!
Girl looks good in orange! Go Vols! Love the coffee, thanks!
oh karey! That sounds tough but so do u. it does seem like you are such a great momma. I am struggling with the sleep fight! HELP! :) cannot wait to see u. will u be at stacys! you have to be! :)
just remember that when you look back even a couple of years from now, this tough period will seem like such a short time...before you know you'll all fall into a "new" routine. your entire family is beautiful and i've enjoyed keeping up with you!
sarah
Soooo smart & wise to bring out these songs! and to be observant and keep your eyes open. what a great mommy you are!!
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