Another ET Flashback

I know Nathan posted a short blurb about our birthfamily meeting while we were in country, but I want to share a few more details. On Tuesday morning, OE & I woke up & laid in bed playing shadow games for awhile. It was hilarious....her laugh is amazing! Then, we ate breakfast & played in our room while we waited with anticipation. Our meeting was scheduled for 10:30 Tuesday morning. Since we had arrived a day earlier than is normally the case for AGCI families, we had met OE a day earlier. On Tuesday morning, as we prepared for our meeting, we were so thankful that we had that extra day to get to know one another! Leading up to that day, I was very unsure about how OE would handle the meeting, but everyone suggested that it was a very healing thing for the children. The meeting took place at Hannah's Hope. As we arrived, the family who had their meeting before us, came out of Almaz's office with sad expressions. The birthmother had not shown (however, they ended up getting connected with her later in the week). I was nervous, but I also wondered whether our family would make it. N & I went into Almaz's office & OE played with the other children. We talked with Almaz about the questions we would like to ask. Then, the big moment came. Almaz looked out the door & said, "Here they are". As we headed into the courtyard, we saw that OE had already spotted them. She reached them before we did & jumped into one of her cousins arms. She was very happy to see her family We all embraced & immediately began talking. Almaz motioned for us to move the gathering into her office. Eyerus' birthmother, 2 counsins, & her great aunt had come. As we all sat in Almaz's office, it was like a group of extended family members sitting around talking. Almaz translated & we just chatted. It was very clear to us that her extended family had played a huge role in her life. Her birthmother was very quiet, but her Great Aunt was very talkative. She had a great sense of humor, as well. I could see where OE got her sillyness from! She said that, as a baby, OE was a very happy & good baby & that she pooped & peed a lot (which she thought that was hilarious). They wanted us to know that they would like for OE to be allowed to come back to Ethiopia to visit when she is older. Of course, we were already planning on that! They asked for our address & asked if we could take them to America, as well. Almaz said she was kidding, but you know there's always an ounce of honesty in any joke! My heart still hurts that they can't be here with us. Even though they aren't my blood, it truly feels like they are family. They are very special people! The main thing they wanted us to realize was how much they loved her & how they wished they could provide for her needs. It was very clear that she had been loved & cared for very well! We are so thankful for the priveledge to meet them! The meeting cleared up so many questions in our heads & gave us a much better understanding of our daughter's history. When we were praying over OE's referral, my biggest concern was that we were told she had an older brother. The thought of her having a sibling on the other side of the world broke my heart. In the meeting we learned that the child they were referring to was her cousin (the twin sister of one of the cousins who attended our meeting). We also realized that her mother is much, much younger than we thought. She had fled her small village to hide her pregnancy & her Great Aunt who lived in Addis Ababa had taken her in. She has never returned to her village. She has been alone, in the city, trying to support herself & her child. I'm amazed by her strength & courage. To have done this for the first four years of OE's life...what a woman & what a wonderful Great Aunt she has who has supported her! It was very clear to us that they tried to care for OE as long as they possibly could but had realized when it was time to let go & allow another family to step in. As our meeting closed, we posed for pictures together. The most touching moments came as her birthmother & I had our picture made together with OE. We connected! As we hugged, I melted! I could feel the love this woman had for her child. I cannot imagine having that kind of selfless love. I wanted to hold onto our hug forever. She felt so little in my arms but her strength was amazing. Before we said goodbye, she smiled as she placed OE's hand in mine & told her that I was her mother now. OE seemed to gain a sense of peace from this. Then we waved goodbye & blew kisses.

Please Pray

Please join me in prayer for my dear friend's family. Her 7 week old neice is very sick, & my heart is so burdened for her & her entire family. They need a miracle! Please pray for Baby Lilah!

Friends

We have been home more than 2 weeks & guess what I'm doing for the first time tonight! COOKING!!!! We have the most amazing friends! They have provided us with meals everyday since we have been home! I cannot say what a blessing this has been! You guys rock! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

Our Journey to Today

Today I have been reminded about where we were 8 years ago this week. I was in the midst of miscarrying our first child. It was such a sad time & the real beginning of our journey that has led us today. I am so thankful that God turned those sad times into rejoicing when He brought OE into our lives, but I still grieve the loss of that child & the other child I miscarried, as well. This week in September always has a sad overtone in our life--my miscarriage, then 9/11 (which happened to be the day before we learned that we were pregnant with twins the first time, only to lose one to miscarriage a few weeks later), then my mother's diagnosis with Breast Cancer. What a week this week has been in years past! However, through it all, God has been good! He has always been right here with us. We are in the midst of another challenging time, but, thankfully, not one filled with saddness! We are in the process of bonding with our newest family member, OE! Just like all the other times, He has been right here with us! It is a challenge, but one we are so thankful to be experiencing! She is a special little girl, & we are sooooo blessed to have her in our life! God has given us 4 beautiful children & we are so glad that He has loaned them to us. We know they are ultimately His, & we are humbled that He has allowed us the priveledge to be their earthly parents. God, please give us the patience, strength, & courage to be the parents they need us to be! We feel so little & undeserving, but thankfully, we have a BIG, AMAZING God!

2 weeks Home~Favorite Photos of the Week

Tuesday OE went to the dentist for the firt time! She was such a brave little girl! We were so relieved to know that she only needs 1 filling & 1 sealant! Woohoo! The cavity is very minor, so the dentist said we could wait awhile to allow more bonding. We're shooting for the middle of October. Also, he said it would be very easy to fill & wouldn't need anesthesia...another relief! OE is such a big girl!
OE's favorite food has been EGGS. She has been eating a lot of them. Thursday we discovered her love for corn, as well. So, on Friday for lunch she ate BBQ, corn, & eggs! Yumm!
By the end of our 2nd week home, she is hugging & holding Minnie! Our poor puppy has had the most difficult time transitioning to a new family member. She has been pittiful! Hopefully now that OE loves her & isn't scared of her, she will relax! Aren't they adorable!!!

Word List

Things are soooo much better around here. We realized that she is definately homesick & that has helped us so much in dealing with it. The music continues to be very therapeutic. She found another song that she loves on one of the other CDs, & we listed to it all morning today. Thank you for all of your support, prayers, & encouragement.

I've been working on a list of Amharic words that we have been helpful. Some of them we learned before we traveled & some of them she has taught us. Here they are:

*ewedeshalo--I love you! (the most important one to know!)
*birtukan--orange
*dabo--bread
*woosha--dog
*sooft--toilet paper, kleenex, paper towel, etc.
*gel mix--antibacterial gel (not sure if it's Amharic, but that's what she calls it)
*oongulat--eggs (her ultimate favorite food)
*wine--grapes
*kaka--poopy
*shintaa, shintee, shint--potty or peepee (she says it all three ways)
*qwas--ball (her favorite toy)
*chammas--shoes
*fawnducha--popcorn (her second favorite food)
*sami--kiss
*ameseugenalow--Thank you
*Semesh (f)/Seme (m) man no?--What's your name?
*Chow--bye
*Shalom--hello
*konjo--pretty
*owh--yes
*why--stop/no? (something like that...)
*osa--fish
*goofii--push

Our Day & Music

Today has been a challenging day at our house. All the kids were exhausted b/c of a late football scrimmage, so you know how those days go. While L was at school I tried to get C, R, & OE to take a nap. OE was not having anything of it. She wanted to be playing ball & not resting! I held her & she pinched me, spit at me, & tried to bite me. She was not a happy girl. I didn't know whether to give in & let her get up & play or just hold her. I decided not to give in & I held her for about 30-45 minutes. It was not fun! She was tired but there was no giving in (I have 2 other sleep-fighters, so I know how they work...he, he, he). Hmmm...I felt so defeated during that time & unsure of myself. Afterwards we played & ate lunch & I reviewed my notes on bonding & attachment. We feel like we are constantly analyzing behaviors & trying to figure out what's really going on in her little mind. As for the boys, they are struggling with understanding that she doesn't understand all the rules yet & that we have to baby her a little bit. There is definately some jealousy going on but still not as bad as we expected. C is very good at keeping track of how many more glasses of juice OE gets than everyone else, how many more new toys & clothes she's gotten, etc., etc. I have always been one to keep things very equal (almost to the extreme) but this is kind of a challenge. I know they are realizing that she is here to stay & are not sure how they feel about it. You know, she is fun to play with but to have around all the time...not so sure about that! I'm even missing my time with just the boys...it's hard to adjust to the new dynamics, but I love all my kiddos so much & I know that very soon it we will all feel like life has normalized! I remember having these feelings when the twins were born & seeing the same behaviors in L early on, so that helps me to know that things will settle down.

On a more positive note, after our morning meltdown, I began to think that maybe OE is missing Ethiopia. I brought out some of our Ethiopian CDs & they were a hit. It really seemed to relax her & make her feel at home. We have "African Lullaby", "African Playground", "African Dreamland", "Sorene: Children's Songs from Ethiopia", plus one traditional Ethiopian music CD & one contemporary Ethiopian dance music CD we bought in Ethiopia (our family loves singing & dancing together, so we knew we needed plenty of music from our daughter's birthcountry). I love them all, but I have to say that the "Sorene" one is my favorite. I turned it on as I fixed lunch & she started singing almost immediately. I knew she loved to sing b/c she has sang to herself a couple of times in the car when it was just the two of us & quiet, but it was so neat to hear her singing these songs. If you are adopting an older child, especially, this is a must have. I even recognized one or two of the songs as ones the children sang to us at Hannah's Hope. Someone recommended it on the listserv, but I can't remember who...if you are out there..."Thank you!".

Kind of random, but I had to share these pictures of our little Vols!

Aren't they adorable! Go Vols!

Flashback to ET...Night 1 with our Daughter & Monday

After leaving HH, the first time, we headed to the hotel. We showed her the clothes we brought her & she picked the outfit she wanted to wear. I would have to say that this girl loves orange (& pink, of course). We played with the beach ball & relaxed before going down for dinner. We ordered the fajitas with fried rice. She loved the fried rice & ate very quickly. Then she turned very green & we thought she was going to hurl! We have been careful ever since to not let her overeat! Her favorite foods now are "oongulats" or eggs! She asks for them at most meals. She also likes pasta, chips, chicken, steak, french fries, yogurt, peaches, & bannanas. The Union Hotel menu is the same everyday for lunch & dinner. It looked like lots of choices the first day but the choices soon got very old. Oh, well...at least we had food! This was one thing that always struck us. As we would sit & eat our meals & look out the window at Addis Ababa, it was hard to grasp how we could have all our needs met & people just outside the window were starving & had nothing....very hard to comprehend.

The next morning, we played at the hotel & went back to HH to play. At first, she did not want to be let down out of my arms, but soon she started playing with the other children. We loved playing at Hannah's Hope. Before the trip, I worried that it would be hard for her to go back & forth between HH & the hotel, so we just kind of took her lead. Most days, she was good with it, but we did have a time or two that we stayed back at the hotel when we sensed that it wasn't good for her at that time.



After playing for awhile, it was time for lunch for the HH kids. HH is very structured & scheduled & the kids know what to expect at all times. They eat in 2 shifts (older kids then younger kids) & they are in the pjs very early in the evening (4:30 or 5:00, I believe). I guess it takes awhile to get 50 or 60 kids ready for bed.



Anyways, we went back to the hotel for lunch then got ready for our embassy appointment. OE was so excited to ride in the "mekeena" (car). She loved to watch them drive by from the hotel window! As we rode to the US Embassy, we watched her as she stared out the window. We wondered what she was thinking...did she see familiar sights...where did she live??? She lived in Addis Ababa her entire life, but the exact place, we don't know...so hard. We immediately recognized the embassy as we approached....big concrete barriers all around it....much different than most of the other embassys. We went in through all the security & I noticed a "Wanted: Bin Laden" sign...big reward....there was kind of an odd feeling seeing that outside of the comfort & security of the US. After we cleared security, we went to a waiting room to wait for our name to be called. We were with the other 3 AGCI families & a man from another agency who was with his son. He said that his wife had to go back to the US while he stayed in Ethiopia to wait for their case to clear the embassy. Gulp! In the midst of all of our embassy stress I don't think I ever realized that could happen to us. As we waited for our name to be called, N & I prayed & tried not to think about the what-if's! Finally, our name was called. We went up the stairs with Almaz to the window & answered a few very easy questions ("When did you meet your daughter", etc.). The Embassy staff person preceded to inform us that the doctor had noted a heart murmur which we did not know about. His last question was whether we wanted to continue with the adoption...."Uh, hello, YES!". Our pediatrician here has not found any irregularity with her heart, but they will keep an eye on it to make sure. Most likely, she was sick or upset at the time that it was noted. Anyways, we were so relieved to walk out of the embassy with our official paperwork! Woohoo!!!!



We headed back to the hotel & OE lit up as we approached the hotel. We played in the room ("tickle Daddy" was her favorite game of the day) before going down for dinner & then hitting the sack! We were exhausted! One thing about Ethiopia nights, they last FOREVER! I'm sure it had something to do with the time difference, but the nights dragged on. I would wake up convinced that I had slept forever, only to look at the clock to see that it was just a couple of hours since I went to bed. It got dark very early & was hard to stay awake, especially since our tv only had 1 channel & that channel always was showing the Olympic race where an Ethiopian won...very exciting the first time, not so much the hundredth time!

Dancing with one of her favorite special mothers at HH.

This woman has a beautiful heart & more energy than you would believe!

On our way to the US Embassy! She looked a little too American, but I swear she picked out every piece of the outfit. She is very sassy!

A little market area under a bridge that we always passed when we were driving around Addis Ababa. There were people selling anything from veggies to plants to clothing.