"New" Birthdate

May 12, 1995 is the date on EVERYTHING for her Ethiopian birthday. It was converted to May 20, 2004, but the correct conversion would be January 20, 2003. Oh well, the reality is that if it had been done correctly in the first place we would have never considered her referral. God obviously allowed it to be done incorrectly...she is the little girl God intended from the beginning to be in our family! It looks like our court delay will allow time for the new date to be on the paperwork..God's timing is always perfect! We have not told the boys yet, but we are trusting that they will be "okay" with the news. R & C may be bummed that they are not really the "big brothers", but we trust that God will take care of that detail just like He has everyother detail of this entire journey. God is good!

Craziness

I've been working on OE's life book & trying to gather more info related to her first years of life. Last night, I was looking through referral info & noticed that her Ethiopian birthdate may not have been accurately translated into her birthdate according to the Gregorian calendar (the calendar we follow). The new date seems way more accurate in terms of her development, & we are excited that we may have solved this piece of the puzzle. All along, we wanted to honor the date her birthfamily gave for her at relinquishment even if it wasn't completely accurate. Well, now it seems that maybe the correct birthdate just got lost in translation, so to speak. The crazy part is that her readoption court date was scheduled for tomorrow & it was really stressing us out b/c we wanted to make sure the most accurate date was reflected in the Final Order & on her TN Birth Certificate. We just got an email from our attorney that our date has just been changed to next Wednesday. Whew! Now we have a little more time to try to get the date right. Things have a way of working themselves out (wish I had remembered that in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep). And, our Ethiopian princess may be 5 1/2 instead of 4. Lol!

Thoughts on Bonding

Okay, this is a long time coming (sorry, Theresa). As I look back on our initial bonding experience with OE, here are my thoughts on what helped us the most.

Be purposeful! Look for ways to bond in everyday activities. Keys to bonding are laughter, fun, silliness, touch, & movement. Routine is also very important. When the child knows what to expect from each part of the day, they are free to learn, grow, & heal! let the child go at their pace, if they're not ready for something new, they're not ready.-sweets, a few sweets while having quiet cuddles. Said to mimic sweet breastmilk with closeness.-give yourself a break, nothing in this world is perfect, hence God's grace.-set up boundaries with friends and family BEFORE the child comes home. And they don't have to like it, but this is your child. Family will deal better if they understand why the rules are in place ahead of time.

~Massages (let the child put lotion on you too--stress relief for you & encourages more touch)
~Feed the child & have the child feed you finger foods
~Brushing hair, make-up (or face paint for boys)
~Playing with sand & playdoh
~Playgrounds--swinging
~Baby burrito--We have done this with all of our kids. After bathtime, wrap them up in a towel like a baby. We call it "Baby Burrito". Then just be silly & rock & carry around. OE wasn't a big fan of being rocked & this was a great opportunity to use a rocking motion in a way that she enjoyed.
~Mirrors--use to play peek a boo & make silly faces
~Pictures of OE around the house--When OE came home, she was very quick to pick up on the fact the her picture had already been mixed in with our pictures in photo arrangements. It was a visual reminder from the moment that she walked in our home, that she was part of our family.
~Dancing while holding the child in your arms (very synchronizing)
~Crawling around & chasing each other
~Playing ball
~Jumping on the bed
~Bouncing & rocking when carrying
~Pushing or carrying objects (laundry basket, etc.)
~Soothing, higher pitched talking (You know how people always talk to babies...use that same level of talking with your child. We made a concerted effort from the moment we met her & for the first weeks together to only use positive sounded talking & to use baby pitched talking a lot.)
~Bootle feeding or sippy cups used like a bottle is used with a baby (cradle, eye contact, soothing voice)
~Playing peek a boo with M&M's
~Stickers on noses (When she was resistent to eye contact with N, first we started with getting her to put stickers on his hands, arms, etc. Then as she felt comfortable we encouraged her to put them on his nose & it moved her in a non-threatening way towards making eye contact with him.)

Please, please do not take this as me thinking we've done everything right! There were plenty of moments that I lost my patience & probably caused us to take 3 steps back in our bonding process. Also, we have a long ways to go. We've made it this far, but the work is not over & it will definately be a life-long process of helping OE deal with her loss. Angela, no, no, no! :-)I'm not the best mom in the world! I truly believe that God has been the biggest reason for our success up to this point. He gave OE the most wonderful, resilient personality that has been her greatest asset! I do also credit Hannah's Hope for their amazing care. However, I know of other families whose children came from other transitional care centers & have done amazing, as well. That being said, I believe that the love Ethiopia has for it's children is where credit is due. OE was truly loved & cared for by her birthfamily & then by the folks at HH. This has been a huge advantage. Yes, we have loss to help her overcome, but we do not have many of the other challenges to deal with that come with children from countries where they were not cared for appropriately. Ethiopia is an amazing country that loves it's children very well & for this we are so thankful!

**Additional thoughts that Cynthia reminded me of which were very important in our bonding process, as well. (Thanks, girl!)

~Let the child go at their pace, if they're not ready for something new, they're not ready.-~Sweets, a few sweets while having quiet cuddles. Said to mimic sweet breastmilk with closeness.-
~Give yourself a break, nothing in this world is perfect, hence God's grace.
~Set up boundaries with friends and family BEFORE the child comes home. And they don't have to like it, but this is your child. Family will deal better if they understand why the rules are in place ahead of time.

"Good English"

It has been such a joy to watch OE soak up her new language like a sponge. Here are some of our favorite phrases.
~"Rusie loves"--used anytime she loves something or someone "Rusie loves Mommy", "Rusie loves sausage", etc.
~"Sleepy wake up"--tomorrow
~"Connor by sit"--"Sit by Connor"
~"No friend"--she says this when she gets mad at someone "Mommy no friend"
~"What is your name"--the phrase she uses to ask us the English word for anything...we hear this a million times everyday...it's hilarious
~"Are you finished"--used instead of saying "I am finished (with dinner or whatever)"
~"Good English"--what she says to congratulate herself when she learns a new phrase or uses correct English

10 Weeks Home

This has been a week of "firsts" for our sweet girl. She & I seperated & did our own thing for the first time since we were in Ethioipa. She stayed with my mom & N on two seperate occasions while I ran errands! Woohoo! I love my girl like crazy, but everyone needs a break every now & then (even if it's just for a 30 minute errand)! Then, this morning she even went to class with R & C at church! We are so thankful that we have reached this place. We didn't push it all all, & we are so still glad that we chose this approach. We took it nice & slow & defniately let her do the leading. It is good to have made it to this point though!

We had a great week at our house. My arthritis is finally responding to the medication changes & I am feeling soooo much better. I cannot thank everyone enough for all the prayers! I am so blessed!

This week we had our first little taste of snow in East TN & it was so fun to see OE experience snow for the first time. She was so excited & wanted to catch it...it was so cute!

OE talked to one of her buddies from Hannah's Hope on the phone for the first time, as well this week! She was so excited! He spoke a little Amharic...she mainly listened & said, "That's so cool" over & over again. It seemed to have brought her to a new place in her grieving...now she talking about "Etopia" again & is sharing more of her life in Africa with us. We are so thankful! Last night, while we were eating at Olive Garden, she saw a ceramic rooster & proceeded to tell us about catching a rooster, cutting it's head off, & getting it ready to eat. It was hilarious. One might have thought she was making it up, but she knew WAY too many details. She said it was walking down the street & one of her cousins chased it & caught it. Then her aunt held it while OE cut it's head off with a knife. Then they pulled all the feathers out & rinsed it in water before putting it over the fire. Wow! She was so cute as she told us all about it & we were quite shell-shocked. It brought us lots of laughes!I would have loved to have captured the moment on video.

OE & I had girl time with some of our favorite girl friends at Apple Cake Tea Room to celebrate my birthday. We love our girl days on Tuesdays & Thursdays while the boys are all at school!



OE loved all the Halloween fun! She thought the pumpkin guts smelled horrible but loved the idea of dressing up all cute & going around for candy. What a fun week! Next week she becomes an American citizen! Woohoo!!!!

Referral & Waiting for Travel Pics

Just four months ago we saw our daughter's sweet face for the first time. I will never forget that evening when the phone rang. I was upstairs doing laundry or something & N & the boys were downstairs getting ready to head outside to play. It was Kate, our casemanager, she had a little girl that she thought we might want to hear about. She was a little older than our stated parameters, but God had already prepared my heart for that just a few days prior. She told me a little about her & then sent us an email with additional info & phots! Here are few of the pictures we stared at for the next 24 hours while we prayed over her referral.

In those first 24 hours, I was not convinced she was the one for us. What about the parameters we had felt led to? Aspects of her history made me very uncomfortable (the possibility of an older birth brother, the fact that her mother was still very much alive just not able to care for her--I had this picture in my head of a girl with no siblings & dead parents). Isn't it amazing how God stirs in your heart & shows you where your own will needs to be set aside to allow room for His perfect will. Now, I am so thankful that we know so much about her birthfamily. There are still gaps but so much more is known than what I had envisioned--what a blessing for our daughter. I am also thankful that she is older & was able to spend 4 years of her life in her homeland, with her birthfamily (which actually does not include birth siblings...just LOTS of cousins :-) ). Some of these realizations came during those first 24 hours that we knew about her but not all. So much of our decision came based totally on faith. God made it so clear that this was the little girl for our family, & we could feel Him saying, "I know the big picture. I know everything about her & everything about your family. I made this child for you & you for her." This sweet girl turned our world upside down from those moments on. We now have "girl power" in our house & mommy-daughter shopping trips! Life is amazingly good! Here are some other pictures that we were blessed to receive from other traveling families while we waited for court proceedings to finalize so we could travel to be united forever with our daughter!





This weekend the first group of families since we traveled will travel to Ethiopia to pick up their children. My heart & prayers are with these families. Soak it up! I worked so hard to ask all the questions I could think of & learn as much as I could about her history & life in Ethiopia. Still I have regrets...one big regret especially. We had the address of where our birthfamily lived. I wish we had hired a taxi & secretly driven through the area--just so I would know it looked like, so I could pass the memory on to OE. Everytime we drove around the city, I wondered what kind of house she had spent her first years in--an apartment building, a shack. I wish had seen the streets she had played in--the streets that were the backdrop for all the stories she has told us. I still wonder & know that this be very difficult for her later on when her memories are not as clear as they are now. For the families traveling this weekend, we are all praying for you. I am so excited that several of the children I met & fell in love with are meeting their forever families! For the families still waiting to pass court & get news of travel, rest in His peace. God knows the big picture & He is in control!

9 Weeks Home :-)

This week has been Fall Break at our house, & it was a great week despite having the stomach bug floating around between us! We had an overnight trip to the muntains and Dollywood planned & had to cancel. It was a bummer, & OE was especially so sad. She had so been looking forward to staying at the hotel & swimming in the indoor pool. Oh, well! That's how things go with FOUR kids--lots of sicknesses passed around. :-( OE loved having all the boys home from school all week. It was especially good to have L home more. He & OE are SO alike, but they really just have not had tons of time to just relax & play. Last week, OE even told me that she loved C & R but didn't really like L. It made me so sad, but when I thought about it, I realized it was probably b/c she gets more time with the other two boys. However, this week brought LOTS of great bonding time for L & OE. By the time she climbed into bed at the end of the day on Monday, she plopped down by L & said, "I love brother" & gave him a big hug. God is so good to give us just what we need when we need it, and these two needed the special times they had together this week. Also this week, we were excited to get our court date for her readoption set--Nov. 5th--very soon! It will be so good to have that last phase finalized & have her officially become a US citizen (she became a "permanent resident" the day she arrived in the states--green card & all). Overall, OE is still doing very well. We have commented on & off over the past couple weeks about how happy & peacefuly she seems & it's still the case. Tonight one of my friends noted the same thing. It is so good to hear that others are seeing it, as well. Thank you for all of your prayers during our transition. We have overwhelmingly felt God's presence through out this time, & I know it's because so many people have been petioning on our behalf. On days that I hardly have time to utter a quick prayer, I know there are a ton of people already on their knees for us. Please also continue to pray for my health & rheumatoid arthritis. I am still in the middle of this huge flare up. My meds have been changed & both of my knees have had cortisone shots, but we just haven't found the right solution yet (in fact, it keeps progressing further). Please pray that God will move & put a halt to this. Thankfully, OE is handling it much better now than she did when it first started. I think she realizes that I'm okay, not going anywhere, & can still care for her. I really appreciate you praying for me! Here are some pictures from our week! Family picnic at the playground at L's school--fun times! On Wednesday, OE had her cavity filled & got sealants. She was such a big girl--no shot needed or anything! On Thursday, we squeezed in quick, day trip to the mountains. OE loved the Christmas store & was so excited to pick out her first Christmas tree ornament. Christmas is going to be extra special this year! I can't wait! She also got her first caramel apple! Yummy! She loved it!

Friday night was the opening night for High School Musical 3. We had a blast--unti the end when everyone cheered & it flipped OE out! She recovered quickly & still keeps talking about how much fun we had.

We found another food she loves--chili! Yummo!
She had her first Halloween party tonight. At first, she wasn't quite sure what to think, but she quickly got into it. We love our amazing princess! Thank you, God, for sharing her with us!

8 Weeks Home, Baby!

It feels so good to have been home 8 weeks!

I've finally gotten all 700 n something pictures into photo albums & have started going through them with OE, trying to get make sure I record all the names & memories she shares with me. I'm not sure the exact underlaying reasons for this, but she does not like for me to write down the info she shares. She also does not like looking through the pictures of her Ethiopian family. It hit me this week, though, that it has only been 4 months since she was taken to Hannah's Hope by her Ethioipan family. This girl has been through A LOT in such a short period of time--if she doesn't want to "go there" with the pictures right now--I honestly don't blame her--so much to digest!

This week, I started working on her preschool workbook with her. She loves to "do school". The first day, I wrote her name & she immediately began working deligently to copy it over & over again. That night, N couldn't believe it when he gave her the pen to sign my birthday card & she immediately began spelling her name out in the most beautiful denelian handwriting you've ever seen.

We are thankful to have OE in our life! She is such an amazing little girl! I still catch myself looking at her & not believing my eyes that she is really here with us! It's such a dream come true! Here are some pictures from our week--enjoy!

Lunch with our favorite UT college student, N's cousin Kate (who happens to be from Vietnam)--what beautiful, special girls!


Candy frenzie at Mast General Store--so many yummy choices, so hard to decide!

Gatorade & popsicle run for C who has been so sick all week! OE was a great little sis & helped Mommy take good care of him!

My yummy birthday treat that the kids helped my mom make! I had a quiet b-day--no parties to overwhelm/interfere with bonding & a sick boy--but that's okay! I am just so thankful I had my daughter home & in my arms! God is good!

East TN is experiencing some very cool, fall weather & OE says it's "Very, Very Cold" (in her sweet Amharic accent with the r's rolled). It's so stinkin' adorable! She loves to sit outside on the deck & lately she's been needing a blanket to cuddle up with during her early morning deck time! Today marks the beginning of L's fall break. I'm so excited that he & OE will have extra time to spend together this week. The both love to do art & sing, so I'm sure our week will be filled with lots of artistic fun--I'm praying for some sweet brother/sister bonding time for them during the break!

Tonight, OE had her first Calhoun's BBQ experience! She LOVED the ribs! She is such a TN girl--I love it! I wasn't too happy that I had to share my ribs with her though! Next time this girl needs her own 1/2 slab--we never expected her to chow like she did! LOL!